I fought. I fought hard.

Have you ever had one of those moments in life when you just need something?  You have this indescribable feeling inside that makes you want to cry but you don’t want to shed any tears?  If you did shed tears and you ran into someone, they would either look at you weird or they would ask what was going on?  If they asked what was going, you would just say that you were crying because you were crying…you didn’t know why…only that you felt like it.  Then, it would be awkward and we would just stand there looking at each other wondering which one felt more awkward.  But on the other hand, you just want to cry because you want this feeling to go away. 

It is not that I am sad or  angry about anything.  The feeling is indescribable.  It is a feeling in my heart that just wants and needs to get out.  Well, this is how I have been feeling for quite sometime.  I know that if I had a good cry, I could get rid of this feeling but I do not want to cry because I don’t have a reason to cry.

I had a meeting tonight and as I was driving to the church, that feeling inside me intensified.  I could feel it get stronger and stronger.  The tears started to well up in my eyes.  I fought them with all that I had.  I had to conduct the meeting.  I had to be happy and excited about everything.  I am happy and excited about everything except for what I am feeling.  Did that even make sense?  Anyway, like I said the feeling got stronger and tears started to come.  I fought.  I fought hard. I made it.  The tears stopped.  The feeling is still there but the tears stopped.  WHEW!!

Then, I walked inside the church.  There was this sweet lady that I know.  She jumped up off the couch, grabbed me, gave me a hug and shared with me some of the most tender thoughts.  She truly was inspired.  I am grateful for those who act when prompted to do things because…tonight, I was truly blessed. 

I did have to leave her presence because the tears were coming back but I fought.  I fought hard.  They stopped.

Then the warm fuzzies came.  The feeling went away until my drive home.

I will fight.

I will fight hard.

Why? 

I don’t like to cry when I don’t know what I am crying about.

I will just count my many blessing for the sweet friend who gave me a hug and shared her thoughts with me tonight.  I am blessed.

~Michelle